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If the most important steps are the ones that we take alone then this step is my most important and I fully believe that. I often feel that every step that I have taken has been alone but that is a skewed belief. I have always had support, just not the support that I wanted or the support that I would have given. I have done my best to understand that it is impossible and improbable for a person to love someone for the things that they are not. Somewhat unfortunate is the truth that one must love others for the people they are, however temporary or permanent these traits may be. Supposedly, you cannot change others, most specifically the ones that you love. Heaven knows that I have tried. Sometimes, you cannot transform into the person that someone else wants to love. It may take a lifetime to find the perfect balance between two types of crazy.
My dad is a hard man to love. It takes more effort than it should. I am much the same.
My mom is a hard woman to understand. I share her disposition but I want her to be able to escape the melancholy that I have accepted defines me. I want her to escape the isolation that characterizes my existence. I presume she wants the same for me and these projections, love and want for something more for the other is the fatal flaw of our relationship.
In the end, you cannot go back now.
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