Quoting Colbie Caillat goes against most everything I believe in; however, there is a time and a place to compromise my assumptions on right and wrong: to bend the rules in the oh so delicate manner that I do. Turns out, I enjoy more Colbie than not... she may know a thing or two that my rigid values will not typically allow.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Thursday, December 8, 2011
"I'll sing you a song, I'll light a candle"
He yelled from the front of a bar lining sixth street in Austin. Jessica couldn't find her wallet so we were not able to make the mistake of staying out too late before running a half marathon. We did stay out until about 11. I was falling asleep while driving to our hotel. A nice little room overlooking a lake in the outskirts of Austin. We woke the next morning and dined; looking out over the lake toward a gloomy, raining morning, very Seattle- esque. Without fail, we would arrive late to the race after being misguided by our telephone GPS. We actually saw all of our fellow runners going the opposite direction as we drove to the starting area.
The course had more hills than expected. They were in excess of the amount alluded to by knowledgeable runners. I wanted to quit and do the 10K instead but, fortunately, Jess did not give me that option. I'll have to remember to thank her for that (once more) in the future one day. We walked the middle portion of the race. The last two miles were a swift pace and difficult to complete. I suppose I should be impressed by the things that a person is capable of, when failure is not an option. I wanted to fail, I even wanted to stop during the LAST two miles. We did not stop. I can be proud of that.
I thought I was going to fail out of school that week. I failed radiology hard. It was not a dramatic fail, characterized by not reaching my expectations. It was an actual, take your breathe away, fail requiring completion of the paperwork associated with failing. Somehow, something happened that allowed me to pass the second exam. I may believe it was due to fairies or something equally ridiculous. I was so convinced that my dreams had expired. I was so convinced that I had actually started thinking about where they (the CG) would station me and what I would do next. I questioned if I could find myself happy. Could I be happy working in prevention or if I would try to get a response gig? I considered if I could rent my friend's house up in the Suex. Fortunately, to date, I do not have to answer these hypotheticals.
The course had more hills than expected. They were in excess of the amount alluded to by knowledgeable runners. I wanted to quit and do the 10K instead but, fortunately, Jess did not give me that option. I'll have to remember to thank her for that (once more) in the future one day. We walked the middle portion of the race. The last two miles were a swift pace and difficult to complete. I suppose I should be impressed by the things that a person is capable of, when failure is not an option. I wanted to fail, I even wanted to stop during the LAST two miles. We did not stop. I can be proud of that.
I thought I was going to fail out of school that week. I failed radiology hard. It was not a dramatic fail, characterized by not reaching my expectations. It was an actual, take your breathe away, fail requiring completion of the paperwork associated with failing. Somehow, something happened that allowed me to pass the second exam. I may believe it was due to fairies or something equally ridiculous. I was so convinced that my dreams had expired. I was so convinced that I had actually started thinking about where they (the CG) would station me and what I would do next. I questioned if I could find myself happy. Could I be happy working in prevention or if I would try to get a response gig? I considered if I could rent my friend's house up in the Suex. Fortunately, to date, I do not have to answer these hypotheticals.
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Advice
My facial wash says, "we came into this world with all the right instincts. Full of joy, excitement and a sense of wonderment."
My hair paste says, "apply a small amount to damp or dry hair with fingertips."
My shoes say, "simple. shoes for a happy planet."
Everywhere, there is both inspiration and instruction. I find that it can be a little overwhelming. The best advice I was ever given shocked my world. It was, "you cannot change them based on what you do."
I have agreed and disagreed with this advice.
It took me months to discover that regardless of how much I loved her, it would not make her love me back. It has taken me weeks to figure out, that even though I want it to be one way, others want it a different way. I think the only way to make sure that what you are doing will influence others is to tell them what and why you are doing what it is that you are doing. Maybe this will help, maybe, even with the knowledge of your intentions, it stay the same.
She says she is good for me and that I am good for her. She says that I need someone to fuck up my life and my car every so often. If I had a dollar for every car she has messed up, then I would have more dollars than I have now.
Different she says she will keep her non-working hours free minus the hours spent celebrating a 15 year old boys birthday. It was in response to me keeping my non-studying hours free.
Still, another she doesn't say anything at all. Is it because I have not said anything first? who knows?
My hair paste says, "apply a small amount to damp or dry hair with fingertips."
My shoes say, "simple. shoes for a happy planet."
Everywhere, there is both inspiration and instruction. I find that it can be a little overwhelming. The best advice I was ever given shocked my world. It was, "you cannot change them based on what you do."
I have agreed and disagreed with this advice.
It took me months to discover that regardless of how much I loved her, it would not make her love me back. It has taken me weeks to figure out, that even though I want it to be one way, others want it a different way. I think the only way to make sure that what you are doing will influence others is to tell them what and why you are doing what it is that you are doing. Maybe this will help, maybe, even with the knowledge of your intentions, it stay the same.
She says she is good for me and that I am good for her. She says that I need someone to fuck up my life and my car every so often. If I had a dollar for every car she has messed up, then I would have more dollars than I have now.
Different she says she will keep her non-working hours free minus the hours spent celebrating a 15 year old boys birthday. It was in response to me keeping my non-studying hours free.
Still, another she doesn't say anything at all. Is it because I have not said anything first? who knows?
Monday, November 7, 2011
Another New Years in Seattle
Polar run and plunge is scheduled.
Plus, meeting up with all of my good friends, I cannot wait :)
Plus, meeting up with all of my good friends, I cannot wait :)
Saturday, November 5, 2011
tick tock
I used to hug my first girlfriend and tell her that I would only get better with time, that our love would only get better with time. It did not exactly need improvement but I believe in a continuous process of improving.
At 25, and after a couple of recent debacles, I feel it is once again time to look back and see if I actually am better. And the answer is yes, definitely better.
At 25, and after a couple of recent debacles, I feel it is once again time to look back and see if I actually am better. And the answer is yes, definitely better.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Just another love song
I know that I am supposed to write about love and growing up. I know that is the intent of and the expectation for this blog. I think though, that sometimes, love is that subtle thing that builds within a person until bursting into reality.
Sometimes, love is not about timing. Sometimes, love is not about forgiveness and sometimes love is not the belief inside every teenager of one chance at something real. Sometimes, love is about sending gluten-free waffles to India and telling all of your friends that it is "what a real friend would do." And sometimes, love is sending a silly text message to break the proverbial ice, then getting your heartbroken when you do not receive a reply.
What remains about love is that it is always about yourself first, because lets face it, after a pint of ben and jerrys or a little too much halloween candy... the only one who is really going to want to lay next to you is either yourself, or that one person in your life. The one that held your hand as you both climbed a mountain (proverbial or actual) and yelled from the top, for the first time, I do, love you.
Sometimes, love is not about timing. Sometimes, love is not about forgiveness and sometimes love is not the belief inside every teenager of one chance at something real. Sometimes, love is about sending gluten-free waffles to India and telling all of your friends that it is "what a real friend would do." And sometimes, love is sending a silly text message to break the proverbial ice, then getting your heartbroken when you do not receive a reply.
What remains about love is that it is always about yourself first, because lets face it, after a pint of ben and jerrys or a little too much halloween candy... the only one who is really going to want to lay next to you is either yourself, or that one person in your life. The one that held your hand as you both climbed a mountain (proverbial or actual) and yelled from the top, for the first time, I do, love you.
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